When To Get a Cat

If you want someone who will do anything to please you, get a dog.

If you want someone who will bring you the newspaper without tearing through it first for the sports page, get a dog.

If you want someone who'll make a total fool of himself because he's so glad to see you, get a dog.

If you want someone who eats whatever you put in front of him and never says his mother made it better, get a dog.

If you want someone who's always eager to go out any time you ask and anywhere you want to go, get a dog.

If you want someone who can scare away burglars without waving a lethal weapon around, endangering you and all the neighbors, get a dog.

If you want someone who never touches the remote, couldn't care less about Monday Night Football, and watches dramatic movies with you as long as you want, get a dog.

If you want someone who'll be content just to snuggle up and keep you warm in bed, and who you can kick out of bed if he slobbers and snores, get a dog.

If you want someone who never criticizes anything you do, doesn't care how good or bad you look, acts as though every word you say is worth hearing, never complains, and loves you unconditionally all the time, get a DOG!

On the other hand...

If you want someone who never comes when you call him, totally ignores you when you walk in the room, leaves hair all over the place, walks allover you, prowls around all night and comes home only to eat and sleep all day, and acts as though you are there only to see that HE's happy...

Get a CAT!

Rabbit Joke

If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have?

A receding hare line!

Dog Property Laws

 1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If its in my mouth, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.

7. If it looks like mine, it's mine.

8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

10. If its broken, it's yours.

How To Photograph a Puppy

1. Remove film from box and load camera.

2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.

3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.

4. Choose a suitable background for photo.

5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.

6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.

7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.

8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.

9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.

10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.

11. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.

13. Put magazines back on coffee table.

14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.

15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.

16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"

17. Clean up mess.

18. Sit back in chair with lemonade and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.

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